A deeply personal truth. I nearly lost golden opportunities to laugh over dumb stuff with my daughter.

When Marissa was little, we were best buds. We raced to say "I love you best north, south, east and west". We played beauty shop, twirled in the living room singing into empty soda bottles... We ate cookie dough ice-cream and stayed up late watching Designing Women.

By the time Marissa was in college, the two of us were not twirling anymore -- we were spiraling. Out of control. She was yelling over her balcony that some things were meant to stay broken. She was referring to our mother and daughter relationship. The worst part of hearing my child say that we couldn't be fixed, was my thinking she was probably right. We simply could not be together without it turning into a battle.

How did this happen? Friends said it was because Marissa and I were too much alike. They assured me "all families go through this". Not to worry -- when your daughter gets married and has a child of her own someday, she will appreciate you again. Covered with guilt, I was certain whatever happened to us, was my fault. Then, as sure as I thought I had failed, Marissa would do something disrespectful and I "knew" it was her. Arrows flipped from me to her -- it was neither.

By the grace of God, I was literally dropped to my knees in a divine moment, that soon after transformed my daughter and I-- and our entire family, into being best buds again. This turnabout was so incredibly easy and beautiful, that often I find myself sharing it with others.

Recently a waitress came into my restaurant for an interview. She left with a tear of hope. Not for a job but rather, for she and her teenage daughter.

Our conversation somehow swerved to the struggles the two of them were having.  Her daughter’s grades were slipping; her attitudes more defiant... It seemed the more she tried to fix things, the worse they became. So we talked about "getting out of the river". It is difficult to see which way the ripples are moving when you are standing in the water. Then we smiled over basic recipes. Like perhaps organic things such as joy and knowing we have pleased our parents, taste better than "taking away our daughter's alarm clock" -- like I did.

Most chefs will tell you that the tastiest recipes are made from the simplest, most natural ingredients. That's how elementary being mother and daughter are -- only I did not always know that.

One of my favorite books, written by Dr. Seuss, Oh The Places You Will

Go, celebrates brainy and footsy people. Brainy and footsy people are what all of us mothers and fathers are. So are we sons and daughters. I want to take this opportunity to thank my daughter for being brainy and footsy. Our journey back to being mother and daughter has been a winding road.

Marissa, your heart is huge and fragrant.  Your soul is forgiving and I thank you for being you. You have sacrificed so much and you keep doing so. Your spirit is generous. Your voice tenacious; words encouraging…

So many evenings my phone rang and it was you. “Mom? Did you finish your book yet?” It is because of your applauding even my littlest strides that I am able to share with other moms what God has taught me.

I am lucky. I am grateful. By the time my daughter graduated from college, she and I were laughing over dumb stuff again.

When I was pregnant with Marissa, people said that children do not come with instructing booklets. What I have discovered since that time, is perhaps the reason children do not come with instruction booklets, is because they are the instruction booklet. If we hold their tender hearts to our ears like seashells on the shore, they will share that almighty creation God intended them to be, so that we , their blessed parents, can guide them safley along their journey to becoming everything they are.