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Mom? Can you give me “the talk” when it’s time rather than dad?
I do not want dad to tell me… it’s just bad aroma.
Kyle age 11

It stinks that Ken cannot be taken seriously. Then again, it stinks that he can. Especially when he is trying to be my knight and shining armor — and I have to play Penelope Pitstop.

Enter the Davis kitchen… Three years ago. Ken and I had just gotten home from a doctor’s appointment. I had been short of breath. My symptoms were teri-cloth. I could not walk across the house carrying an armful of towels. It turns out I was slightly anemic — needed to eat more spinach. My family was delighted. They surrounded my ankles with laundry baskets.

Back to my pre-eat-more-greens diagnosis… Ken has run to the pharmacy and purchased a blood pressure monitor. My hero is practicing on himself. Sitting on a chair – bare chest, hip to hip beside the dishwasher. As seriously as I can, I ask him why his shirt is lying on top of the microwave oven.

“Why are you sitting next to the dishwasher?”

“Because” he waves one arm, valiantly, “I am trying to figure out how to use this stupid blood pressure monitor, so I can show you what to do. So far, all I have done is taken my blood pressure three times and given myself a heart attack.”

I cannot laugh, I cannot laugh…I repeat this at least 6 or 50 times.

Ken pushes the blue oval button. The green cuff squishes his arm. “That is why I moved the chair over here.” Ken points to his lap as if this makes sense. “The instructions say to sit down. I was standing up. My blood pressure was so high I should be dead already.”

I cannot laugh, I cannot laugh…I repeat this another 6 or 50 times.

“Oh greeeeaaaaattttt! 143 over 92. That’s still high.” He pushes the blue oval button again.

“Are you sure that’s high?”

“I think so.” Ken slouches. A different number flashes. His shoulders straighten up. “There!” He leaps to his feet before the monitor changes its mind. “138 over 80 – at least that is within normal limits. I can live with that. It took me five tries to get it right. Okay, now come over here and sit down. Let me show you how to take your blood pressure.”

I cannot laugh… I cannot laugh…