May 29
“What was he thinking when he wasn’t thinking?”
He. Kyle. My son. Fourteen years old. Weeks away from having braces removed. Today he asked if he could drive to Wal-Mart. In the rain. I looked at him like he was nuts.
Brrrriiing… Brrrriiing… Brrrriiing… Brrrriiing…
If it doesn’t text, take pictures or navigate, my kids won’t answer it.
The phone is sitting two inches from Kyle’s elbow. Who called?
Huh?
The phone. It rang. Who was it?
No one.
No one?
Yeah.
Did you answer it?
Nuh.
Then how do you know it was no one?
To prove my point, he checks the caller ID. The only cool feature on this prehistoric land-line-thing. It was grandma he tells me.
Grandma? Grandma’s not no one.
I know but if she really wants something she usually calls my cell phone so I didn’t answer it.
Sometimes — (and this is one of those times), I simply do not know what to say other than the kid has metal in his mouth and it is raining outside.
What funny things have your kids said or done?
May 25
Yes! We have no bananas!
Marissa and I will be arriving in St. Tropez mid-afternoon on May 26th. We are meeting cousin, Johnny whom I have not seen since (1972?) I will be sharing pieces of that super cool reconnection here in my blog. I will also be sharing great food-finds from Italy and France, too.
Friends have asked me if I speak French. Hah! I bust out laughing. Ooh! La! La! I know two words: Legumes and la salle de bain. (Vegetables and bathroom.)
Just when you think those two combined words mean absolutely nothing, along comes a veggie-bladder diddy… The last time Marissa and I traveled anywhere of distance, we were in Manhattan… crawling to a restroom on the other side of the Marriott Marquis. We had purchased new shoes at some funky store near Central Park… Had the hair-brain idea of shopping in them all day. We hobbled to a swanky cafe upstairs in our hotel; ordered salad then asked where the restroom was. Our waitress pointed to the other side of the continent. (At least that’s what it looked like to our feet which refused to go back into our shoes.)
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May 21
“What were they thinking when they weren’t thinking?”
They. Those people who didn’t do it. The ones who say it was somebody else. My family.
I tell you this: There is nothing worse than left-over imitation bleu cheese dressing, than left-over imitation bleu cheese dressing in-between your toes.
I was standing at the fridge; beside the opened door and cold glass shelves. Hungry. Minding my own business. Enjoying the quiet of the house. Ken and Kyle were at baseball. Marissa was on her way home. Ahh… What do I want to eat? Nothing on the bottom shelf… nothing on the middle shelf… definitely nothing on the top one either. Well, maybe something on the top one… Left-over take-out from… where? What’s this? I stick my finger onto something brown when, GLOP.
Something cold and thick drops between my toes. Ohhh gross! Why do they do this? Stack left over plastic take-out containers one on top of the other filled with stuff no one is going to eat again. Who did this? Yeah, right. Like anyone is going to fess up. I press the refrigerator shut, but not before leaving the containers without lids still tilting for the next person who opens the door. It is my only revenge.
May 18
Hi! Did you get my em?
What’s em?
Isn’t “em” text for “email”?
Huh?
Abbreviation… em… email.
Idk.
What’s Ikd?
Ikd? I dunno.
Then why did you write it? LOL
Idk.
Idk, too!
Huh?
Idk. Idk. Idk. Idk. LOL
Mommmm! What r u doing?
I’m texting. You said I should get a new phone, so I could finally join the rest of the world, so I am playing with my new toy! I am texting u.
OMG.
I know what OMG means !!!
k
LOL… OMG !!
Mommmm! You r not funny.
Yes I am. Heee-heee-heee !!!
(Sometimes moms are almost too easily entertained.)
May 14
What was I thinking when I wasn’t thinking?
Shoes. My daughter says that I have terrible taste in shoes. She says I shouldn’t be allowed to buy any. But what do daughters know? I mean, come on, mom’s know a thing or two about fashion.
I un-wound the white tissue… removed the non-edible salt packs from the insoles… Ahh! Chocolate brown canvas slip-ons with beaded flowers across the toe. Wide and comfy. I was certain my daughter would approve. Eager for me to take her to lunch, she asked if I was ready to leave yet. I pointed to my feet while she looked hopelessly at hers. How old were they? She asked with sunglasses sliding down her nose.
How old are they? My shoes? I just bought them the other day!
No! Marissa drops her purse. Not the shoes! Hold old were the people who told you they looked good?
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May 07
What was she thinking when she wasn’t thinking?
She. My mother-in-law, Dolores. Famous for inventing words like “sniblings”. Dolores was a one-of-a-kind. Colorful and unpredictable.
One day, when my husband was eleven, he took it upon himself to cook a frozen pizza for he and his friend Terry. Not knowing how to use an oven mitt, he laid the mitt flat onto his open hand, then pulled the hot oven rack out with his bare fingers. Ken was screaming from the singe. Dolores ran into the kitchen. Terry was inches behind her. She grabbed Ken’s blistering hand, then let go of it like a hot potato. She took that pepperoni pizza and flung it with a loud, “Sh@#!!” Mama-mia, that pizza sailed across the kitchen just as Terry was entering it. Ken said he still remembers the look on Terry’s face when he ducked just as the cheese hit the wall.
Isn’t it fun the stuff we remember from our childhood? Click here to see our new video page. Prizes!
May 05
“Was this picture taken when you used to be prettier?”
Kyle age 2 or 3
Kyle age 2 or 3… He was standing at the fridge, pointing to a photo taped to the door. Asking me if that picture of my more youthful self was taken when I used to be prettier. You had to peel me off the linoleum.
Kyle age 5… It is Christmas time and he is singing his heart out to Joy to the World. Letting all within ear shot know that “he rules the world with two fat legs.”
I love cute things kids say, do and sing. So here is what I am hoping. I am hoping you have a few of those tucked away that you might want to share. I recently started taping a new food show written by moms, dads and grandparents, too. My goal for the show is that it becomes every parents platform for celebrating the sunny side of daily family life which is something that we bloggers already do. Click here to see my new show.
What kinds of fun things do your kids say or sing?
May 01
What was he thinking when he wasn’t thinking?
He. Ken. The man I married on September 15th a million years ago. The guy whose thinning hair blows off his head onto the wallpaper when he dries it. The same guy who would never hurt a fly. What on earth was he thinking when he wasn’t thinking?
I mean, he has told Marissa a thousand times, never ever to swerve off the road for a squirrel. Don’t even hit your brakes! Not even for a dog! Poor Marissa, armed with her new drivers license freaks out. I won’t hit a dog she screams! But our winding country roads, lined with giant trees on both sides are dangerous! You could get hurt if you swerve, or worse. Do not ever swerve. Not even for a cat! Marissa freaks out again.
Brrriiiinnnggg…… Brrriiinnnggg……I am curling my hair. Should I answer it? I check the caller ID. It is Ken, hmmmmm….. that is strange. He just left the house two seconds ago.
Hello? I’m in the ravine. The ravine? He repeats it again. The ravine. What ravine? There was a critter. A critter? I didn’t hit it. You swerved? Click. Hello?
Needless to say, Marissa was very proud of her father.
What lessons have your children taught your husband?
