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What was I thinking when I wasn’t thinking?

Shoes. My daughter says that I have terrible taste in shoes. She says I shouldn’t be allowed to buy any. But what do daughters know? I mean, come on, mom’s know a thing or two about fashion.
 
I un-wound the white tissue… removed the non-edible salt packs from the insoles… Ahh! Chocolate brown canvas slip-ons with beaded flowers across the toe. Wide and comfy. I was certain my daughter would approve. Eager for me to take her to lunch, she asked if I was ready to leave yet. I pointed to my feet while she looked hopelessly at hers. How old were they? She asked with sunglasses sliding down her nose.
 
How old are they? My shoes? I just bought them the other day!
 
No! Marissa drops her purse. Not the shoes! Hold old were the people who told you they looked good?

 
Next week, Marissa and I are travelling to France to visit a cousin neither of us have ever met. She asked me what shoes I was taking.
 
What shoes am I bringing? Hmmm… I thought I was taking these, but… ? These rusty wedgeys looked much cuter on top of Nordstrom’s acrylic holders decorated with funky purses. I probably shouldn’t take these to France — or those either! I chunked shoe after shoe onto Ken’s side of the closet. Feeling bummed that my daughter may be right, that I shouldn’t be allowed to buy shoes, I decided to lie in the sun instead. I slipped into an old bathing suit. The kind that has a skirt attached to it. Should I take it to France?
 
As fate would have it, my parents pull onto my driveway just as I am walking to my lawn chair in. “Oh!” My mother squeals, “that is the cutest bathing suit! Where did you get it?”
 
Needless to say, my mother shouldn’t be allowed to buy bathing suits. Polka-dotted green things that blind you on a cloudy day. If my mother thinks this skirty-checkered suit is adorable, then it is not.  Eee-gats. She saved my neck. If I had taken it to France, surely my nickname would have grown longer and I don’t think french post cards are big enough for ‘having a wonderful time. Barefoot and naked. Wish you were here. Love, Bad Shoes Ugly Bathing Suit.’