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“What was he thinking when he wasn’t thinking?”

He. Kyle. My son. Fourteen years old. Weeks away from having braces removed. Today he asked if he could drive to Wal-Mart. In the rain. I looked at him like he was nuts.
 
Brrrriiing… Brrrriiing… Brrrriiing… Brrrriiing…
 
If it doesn’t text, take pictures or navigate, my kids won’t answer it.
 
The phone is sitting two inches from Kyle’s elbow. Who called?
 
Huh?
 
The phone. It rang. Who was it?
 
No one.
 
No one?
 
Yeah.
 
Did you answer it?
 
Nuh.
 
Then how do you know it was no one?
 
To prove my point, he checks the caller ID. The only cool feature on this prehistoric land-line-thing. It was grandma he tells me.
 
Grandma? Grandma’s not no one.
 
I know but if she really wants something she usually calls my cell phone so I didn’t answer it.
 
Sometimes — (and this is one of those times), I simply do not know what to say other than the kid has metal in his mouth and it is raining outside.

What funny things have your kids said or done?