What was she thinking when she wasn’t thinking?

Bonnie — she’s known me for years. Therefore, she should have known that I needed at least one more consonant.

We had been sending emails back and forth when suddenly the sentences shrunk to four words. I had no idea what my dear friend was talking about anymore. So I sent Bonnie a, “What?” To which she replied, “Huh?”

How would women have handled this blonde moment in the olden days? Politely texted, “I am sorry dear, but I must have lost my train of thought while Final-Netting my hair, and sliding into my pointy heels. This chiffon apron! My mother-in-law, the dear woman, embroidered it for me. But I must confess it is so tight around my waist, that it cuts the oxygen off to my brain. Then again, it might not be the apron, it could be these clip-on earrings. Laughter out loud. Laughter out loud. Well, well, I must get-a-move-on… starch my sons striped shirts before supper is served. Did I tell you that I burnt my foot while shutting the oven door this morning? I was rolling my hair with my right hand, while wrapping my husband’s egg salad sandwich in waxed paper with my left. I kicked the oven door shut with my toes. Laughter out loud. Laughter out loud. That’s why we should always wear heels in the kitchen. I shall talk to you later, dear. After I wash the dishes by hand. Lemon Joy. It really does show your reflection in your dinner plates. Did I tell you that I can go 4 weeks without washing my hair? You must try Final Net. I swear — it is the ultimate glue that holds us mothers together.

Today’s Life Recipe: Laughter out loud. Laughter out loud!!

Need a nostalgic recipe for the holidays? Click here to check out Grandma’s Retro Recipes!

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

I did it — that thing I rarely do. I hummed the theme to Chariotts of Fire… Da-duuh-daaa-duuh-daaaaaaa-duuuuuuh… Surely Olympic training was why Ken was wearing green satiny basketball shorts from 1989, accessorized with the quickest old t-shirt he could grab.

“Mom! Stop looking at dad. I need to ask you something. Where did you put the lighter? Dad wants me to light the grill.”

I didn’t use the lighter, son, your father had it last.

“He did?”

Yes, the guy wearing those green, uhm, well never mind. Where did you get those red shiny…..? Weren’t those part of your Halloween costume from 6th grade?

“Never mind about my shorts, mom, I need to find a lighter.”

“I have an idea, son!” Father Green shorts stops doing sit-ups or whatever those body bending things were. He busts into the kitchen with a plan. He rolls a wad of white paper napkins into a cylinder. He presses one tip of the cylinder onto the glass top stove. A bright red circle glows before our faces. “I am going to light this torch with this red circle son, and as soon as it starts to burn — and believe me, it is going to burn any second… yeah, any second… just wait… it is going to catch on fire… and when it does, I am going to hand it to you, then you run through the house with it as fast as you can. Open the backdoor, go outside, and throw it onto the charcoal…”

By now of course, I am grabbing my ribs, wishing I was wearing shiny shorts, too so that I could think of such heroics.

Lucky for me, I almost get an opportunity. The torch turns to ash only inches before it reaches the grill. The men scratch their chins. They announce “Plan-B”. Kyle rolls one torch, gets into position by the backdoor. Ken rolls another one, smooshes it onto the red circle. It flames! He runs! He lights Kyle’s! And yes! The Davis family is eating grilled steaks in 30 minutes!

Today’s Life Recipe: Food Never Tasted This Much Fun! Da-Duh!

Connie from Connie’s Turing 50 Blog gave me the BFF Gold Card!  Thank you Connie, I’m so blessed to have such great blogging buddies.

I’m passing on this BFF Gold Card to a few of my many blogging buddies!

1. Julie from Blessed with Five

2. Courtney from Quiet Chaos

3. Bad Momma from Bad Momma Blog

4. Kristen from Mighty Morphin Mama

5. Anna from My Sweetest Dream

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

What was I thinking when I wasn’t thinking?

Me, the lady who can’t find her cell phone…

It will be one week. One week? Did my husband say one year? An eternity before I would receive my new cell phone?

Stomp! Stomp! Helllllooooo??!!

Try calling it again. Did you dial it again? Seriously, sometimes if you keep dialing your number, someone will answer.

One time I washed my cell phone. Once I left mine on top of a cereal box at Sam’s Club.

Cell phones? Did someone lose a cell phone? No, but someone stole Debbie’s! Stole it? Are you sure? Did you catch the guy? I had one stolen once. At least I don’t take pictures with my phone. That’s the worst.

Pictures??!! Oh my goodness! (Add a little drama, throw my hand over my forehead.)”All” of my pictures are gone.

Text whoever stole it. Offer them a $50 reward to bring back the sim card. Seriously. That might work. Try it.

This is nuts. I appreciate everyone standing in the alley with me. But, I can’t believe I’m having this conversation. Actually, I’m not having any conversation. Oh, that’s pretty funny. Not having a conversation. I wish I could text that to Bonnie. Ohhhh man… All of my saved text messages are gone, too. From the kids and Ken… Can you bring home toilet paper? Get barbecue sauce. DON’T GET OUT OF THE CAR WHEN YOU PICK ME UP AT THE VB GAME… Hmmmm…

Where are you going, Debbie? For a ride? Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. With the windows open, and a breeze in my hair. I’m free for a week! Thank you for talking me through this guys.

Today’s Life Recipe: Going back to a time without cell phones can almost make you want big 80’s hair again.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Red Hearts…

I was sitting in a black padded chair getting my hair highlighted when the stylist looked me in the mirror announcing that “everyone” talks about my marriage. Surprised, I handed her a foil square. “They do?” She said yes, you are lucky.

Lucky? I guess you could call me lucky.  After all, I get to fill out my own anniversary cards. It’s true. My husband buys them, then forgets them in the sack, so I write all sorts of glowing sentiments to myself. My husband also does a mighty fine leprechaun. Check out this video of him opening birthday presents. What do you think? Is it the sunglasses? Or are men really from Mars? Any other hubs out there singing cereal songs?

 

 Magically Delicious: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Today’s Life Recipe: Marriage. It is magically delicious.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

     Actress, Claire Danes/clairedanes.com

What was he thinking when he wasn’t thinking?

My husband, Ken. He squishes his lips into a scrunchy glop then asks the crazy question. “How do mom’s know? I mean, it was just a text message and all it said was, ‘I got a speaking role’.”

“Because,” I shake my head gently — very gently so he won’t feel badly for not having the antennae I have, “Mom’s just know! And I know that our daughter was whispering!”

“But how do you know she was whispering? Whoops! I took too many carrots. Do you want some carrots?”

“Nah, I’ve got plenty. But I will take a little salad.” Shloof, dribble-dribble, toss. “Ken, our daughter was whispering because if she could have been born with a director shouting ‘Action!’, instead of a doctor saying “push”, she would have slid out of my womb and gone straight to Hollywood, instead.”

Ken jabs his potatoes, while I go deeper.  As if being in a movie with Claire Danes, about overcoming obstacles associated with autism, requires deeper explanation. “Our daughter got a SPEAKING ROLE in a feature film about the power of believing in yourself! She is probably sitting on top of a toilet, behind a closed white metal door, hyperventilating and texting her mother because she cannot breathe. She probably wants to jump up and down, but she can’t. That’s why I know she is whispering.”

Sure enough, when Marissa called, she was whispering. Ken couldn’t believe it. I didn’t say I told you so. I was too engrossed in hearing her size 7 footsteps clapping the concrete.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t breathe,” she said,  “I texted you because I couldn’t talk. As soon as I get into my car I’ll tell you about it, because I’m so happy I want to scream.”

And scream we did! She inside her car, and me into my husband’s shoulder. You see, this was a big moment for my daughter —– and me. I had spent the first 19 years of her life preparing her to “have something to fall back on” while she tried to tell me no. This was her so-called life, and she was born to be an actress. Yes, it is true. She believed in her dreams. And I didn’t want her to get hurt.

When the HBO movie is released, I will be sure to let everyone know.  Apparently Marissa’s scene is at the turning point of the movie. She says one word, “No!” And let me tell you this… When my daughter accepts her first Emmy, I hope she thanks her mother for giving her so much practice in using that uncanny word in oh so many ways!

Today’s Life Recipe: Seals & Croft: Children, teach your parents well.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

So there they were, in the kitchen, making homemade bread…

Kyle was about 2-1/2, Marissa was 10. Kyle wanted to dump flour onto the kitchen table, but his sister shook her head no. You’ll make a mess, she warned. Marissa proceeded to knead dough into what must have appeared to be magical dust to her brother. He looked up in awe and that’s when it happened — Kyle disappeared.

“Where’s Kyle?”

If big sister wouldn’t share her magical bread making white dust, then Kyle would take matters into his own bedroom. He shook an entire bottle of baby powder all over his 3 Little Pigs table, rocking fish, and floor. Bless his heart, he was probably hoping he would have it all cleaned with diaper wipes before his big sister could say I told you so.

Today’s Life Recipe: Got labels? Got messes.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

… what was i thinking when i wasn’t thinking?

me. without caffeine. i walk to the microwave believing it’s the coffee pot. i slide my sunglasses over my ears thinking they’re my reading glasses. yes — it’s true. without caffeine, my world is all lower case letters.

i am a two-cup kind of gal. with a warmer in between. i was just about to add a warmer to that first cup when i BOINGED out of my chair. seems i learned something new today. i don’t need java IN MY CUP to wake up. i just need to spill it on my foot.

Then I Am Ready To Face The World! I Can Do Anything! I Am Good To Go! Or, Mop. Or Is That Mop And Glow? HMMmmm… maybe i should sit back down… and give thanks to the spill over the concrete slab instead of the white carpet behind it… after all, i could have kicked the cup the other way… hmmm… is that like the cup being half-full or half-empty? it is really hard to think when your foot dries… anyone out there know what i’m talking about? java-deprivation? like grabbing the cereal thinking it’s the phone?

Today’s Life Recipe: Bouncing back is easy when you enjoy the spills.

By the way, I have a great idea for dinner tonight. Click here to check out the Portobella Philly! Yum!

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Men. They don’t get it. They throw on a t-shirt that doesn’t match their shorts and head off to the shooting range to miss bulls eyes. We women, however, know the importance of dressing for any occasion. That’s why Marissa and I were prepared. We knew the guys would tell us we were over-dressed to shoot cardboard targets, so as soon as they delivered their famous line, we dashed into the house for a quick wardrobe change.

Watch the fun video below  to see how impressed they are when we re-emerged dressed more appropriately….. (achem)…..

 

 Online Video: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Today’s Life Recipe: A tree is a just a tree, but a mother and daughter are branches of fun.

Click here to check out my delicious recipe for Turkey Hill Chili.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

                                                           (Aol News)

 What was he thinking when he wasn’t thinking?

The American Scientist who discovered the world’s smallest snake. He discovered it off the Caribbean island of Barbados then named it after his wife, Carla: “Leptotyphlops carlae.” When I read this beautiful lepto-phlops name, it reminded me of the time I had gotten my long hair cut above my shoulders. When Ken saw my short-do, he told me there comes a time in every woman’s life when she cannot wear long hair anymore.

Personally, I think men are rare animals. Take my son for example. Age four. He pointed at a lovely photograph of me stuck to the fridge with a carpet steamer magnet. “Was this picture of you taken when you used to be prettier?”

Click through the gallery to see more rare animals. Or, better yet! Leave me one of your own lepto-phlop stories here. Surely Carlae and I are not alone. I hope.

Today’s Life Recipe:  In all things give thanks. Yeah, uh-hum, guys, thanks… really.

And click here to check out the Dishing with Debbie Bloopers and Out-takes!

Bookmark It

Hide Sites