Aug 11
(Yes. The Answer is Yes.)
My name is Debbie. (Hello Debbie.)I overcooked my family. (Welcome to overcooked anonymous, Debbie.)
The nice thing about being here, with other parents at OA, is that I learn how to take the 5th again. (We’re glad you’re here, Debbie.)My two kids were in the kitchen yesterday, rolling like chicken wings in flour. Practically laughing too hard to ask me, “You don’t remember?”
“Mommmm! I am sooooo glad that I learned how to lie to you or I would have been the nerdiest kid in high school!!” Marissa continued chuckling while I scraped myself off the ceiling. “Don’t…..” bwah-hah… “let mom…..” bwah-hah… “do this to you Kyle.”
Kyle who begins his freshmen year in three weeks, stopped rolling. “Whhhat? You made Marissa take that great big white huge clunky air purifier to a party when she was in high school? Whhhy?”
“Because I’m allergic to cats and the person who was throwing the party had cats. I told mom that I’d be fine. But noooo. When my date pulled up, she stuck that old round thing in his arms. The dumb thing was so ginormous it didn’t even fit inside his pick-up truck. So he laid it in the back. When he turned the corner we heard a clunk-clunk-clunk. The thing had flown out of his truck and rolled into a field! The whole time we looked for it, I kept thinking to myself - ‘thanks mom… you’re sort of ruining my cool image here’!”
Today’s Life Recipe: There are several ways to clear the air —– trusting is one of those.
WATCH THE 2 MINUTE VIDEO of this funny, air purifier story ala Sonoma Chicken Salad.
Jul 28
Poof! You guys are a blog post.
I wave my invisible wand. Kyle points the sink squirter at me.
Ken yelps. Don’t spray mom! If you spray her, she will turn us into another blog post.
That’s right! I will turn you into two posts instead of one. That’s what you get for my being out numbered. Men…… hmph….. My husband and teenage son do not appreciate the money I am saving our family by ordering make-up off TV. They say if I order one more mineral eye shadow they are going to bury me in a QVC envelope… with all the jewelry that I can’t find.
Actually dad, I have a better idea. Instead of burying mom in one of those padded envelopes, let’s bury her in that vacuum bag she bought. The one you stick the vacuum hose into and it sucks all the air out and shrinks the blankets into washcloths or something.
Good idea, Kyle. That way mom will be 3 feet instead of 5 feet and cheaper to send back.
If we shrink her with the vacuum bag, we need to mark it non-returnable.
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May 18
Hi! Did you get my em?
What’s em?
Isn’t “em” text for “email”?
Huh?
Abbreviation… em… email.
Idk.
What’s Ikd?
Ikd? I dunno.
Then why did you write it? LOL
Idk.
Idk, too!
Huh?
Idk. Idk. Idk. Idk. LOL
Mommmm! What r u doing?
I’m texting. You said I should get a new phone, so I could finally join the rest of the world, so I am playing with my new toy! I am texting u.
OMG.
I know what OMG means !!!
k
LOL… OMG !!
Mommmm! You r not funny.
Yes I am. Heee-heee-heee !!!
(Sometimes moms are almost too easily entertained.)
Mar 10
(Disclaimer: This hilarious post contains a toddlers mis-use of a very simple word that when mis-used could be misconstrued as “slang”. Because this mis-use is so incredibly innocent and precious, we left it in all of it’s toddler glory.)
“Sometimes we talk to each other. Sometimes we talk past each other. Yesterday we were talking all at the same time.”
“Wait! Wait! It’s my turn! Remember when Kyle was 3? And he put his ‘Pippy-Scottin’ basketball jersey on…..?”
“Yeah – with a bunch of t-shirts underneath it and a denim vest on top?”
“And rain boots with no pants…..”
“Just a bare butt!”
“What? What about my butt?”
“You walked into my bathroom — I was curling my hair. You asked if you could wear that outfit to a wedding we were going to.”
“Wait! Wait!” “Then you came running into the kitchen. You threw your hands on your hips and all I saw were these toothpick legs sticking out of boots that you had on the wrong feet.”
“He still wears his shoes on the wrong feet.”
“Do not, Ris!”
“Do to!”
“Well,,, they were on the wrong feet and you were super mad. You said, DAD!!! Do I look dickless to you? Mommmm said I look dickless!”
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Jan 08
I think there are two ways to depict family. One is what the audience wants to hear. The other is how it really is. If you ask me, I like the audience version, better.
Aaron Spelling
Okay… so I was a teensy over-controlling, a bit misguided, and completely oblivious at the time.
Marissa and Ken were reminiscing about a few of those things. “Remember the time mom grounded me then came into my room and asked if I was ready to talk and I said no? So she took away my stereo? Then my phone? Then my alarm clock? I never understood the alarm clock. I was like cool! Now I can oversleep for school!”
“How about the crash test scores, remember those?”
“How could I forget? I was only allowed to ride in certain vehicles. If a crash test score was less than ‘very good’, I wasn’t allowed to ride in that friend’s car. Of course my best friend’s car scored the worst.”
Ken nearly fell out of his chair imitating how I used to look everything up on the internet… “I looked it up”, cackle, cackle, “and Marissa is not riding in that car!”
“Okay! Okay!” I join their cackles, “I get the picture! I overcooked you but I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“Gee mom, ya think?”
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